Ace of Hearts: Lessons in Love from an Asexual Girl

In her forthright debut, Cooklin, the nom de plume of zinester Caitlin Cook, documents her asexuality and its impact on romantic relationships throughout her life. At age seven in 2004, Caitlin moves to small-town Appalachian Ohio. “Incredibly bored,” she picks up the socially expected habit of developing crushes. But her first real attraction in sixth grade is less of a romantic spark and more of a desire to “shrink to a microscopic size, climb into his brain, and just see what was inside.” Raised in a nonpracticing Catholic family, she joins an evangelical youth group, where the fellowship pulls her out of a depressive episode. She then latches onto purity culture—sex she’s uninterested in seems easy to resist. Her first boyfriend repeatedly violates her stated boundaries, however, and she later realizes he sexually abused her. As a result, she “stop[s] asking God to step in... he clearly felt I wasn’t worth saving.” In college, she has what she describes as a “hoe phase,” or “exposure therapy.” All the while, she returns to internet searches about bisexuality, asexuality, etc., as she spirals around other labels—“broken; failure; prude; unworthy of love.” Ultimately, she comes to believe love really means “to know” another person, which first requires she know herself. The simplistic art focuses on character close-ups and sitcom-style montages, all in the color palette of the asexual pride flag. In the same vein as My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, this is an unabashedly vulnerable and informative account. (Jan.)