Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You

Psychotherapist Josephson debuts with a cogent exploration of the least-known yet “arguably most common” threat response: fawning. Unlike fight, flight, or freeze, fawning, or “being helpful and agreeable to the threat so that you can feel safe,” has been “overlooked in our society because it’s so largely rewarded,” Josephson contends, noting that people pleasers get promotions and those who prioritize others’ needs are lauded as selfless. But fawning also means disconnecting from one’s own emotions and needs, which fuels “self-criticism and self-loathing.” Overcoming the fawning response requires self-forgiveness and self-love, subject matter covered in countless other titles. Yet Josephson’s lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies makes for a uniquely actionable resource. She also provides an insightful look at the cultural factors that influence fawning, explaining that in a white-dominated, patriarchal society, women and minorities are socialized to be agreeable in order to win the favor of the powerful. Recovering people pleasers will find plenty to chew on. (Aug.)