Before They Were Men: Essays on Manhood, Compassion, and What Went Wrong

Activist Tobia (Sissy) fights back against reductive “feminism” and the patriarchy in this strident and sometimes strange polemic. They begin with a promising argument that men are deeply harmed by both the patriarchy and feminist ideals that have given rise to the notion that men are inherently toxic (rather than being harmed by toxic masculinity and patriarchy themselves). In backing up this claim, however, Tobia strays down some odd paths. For example, they contend that misogyny will never end until men openly discuss the pleasure of being penetrated and that queer sex is “necessarily more empathetic” than straight sex. Elsewhere, they follow up a solid discussion of how coming out as queer is not a one-step process with bizarre suggestions for inviting family to a birthday dinner and ambushing them with memories of abuse. Tobia’s questionable solutions for reforming incel culture include redirecting anger at women toward the Hollywood corporate elites who perpetuate harmful beauty standards via a series of op-eds. Though Tobia makes important points about how popular culture portrays men and the patriarchy in ways that can be counterproductive or harmful, they too often get lost in a sea of baffling claims and personal grievances. The result is an essential discussion that’s warped by the author’s myopic lens. (Aug.)